IN AND OUT OF TIME
by Kimstyl
Summary: DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Castle characters. Just taking them out for a Sunday Drive, while waiting for the Season 6 Premier. Setting: Sometime in Season 5. No Spoilers. Lanie is in need of a girls night. Kate goes to help her friend. Secrets are revealed.


_**In and Out of Time **_

"And another one closed… Good work Detective," he said as charming as ever. He was watching Kate place the last of the case files in a bankers box. Thinking she would have a snappy retort, she didn't respond. He looked up and observed her to be deep in thought. Since the bullpen was relatively empty, he stepped in close and softly touched her hand. She didn't even notice him closing the distance between them.

"Hey, is something wrong?" Kate blinked out of where ever her thoughts had led her "no, no nothing. I was just thinking about Lanie; did she seem off to you today?"

"Well, she was nice to me, which now that you mention it was kind of irregular for her", Castle scoffed. Kate gave him one of her patented eye rolls and crossed her arms across her chest. "She's always nice to you, just sometimes she's not as tolerant of your antics as the rest of us," she smirked.

"I think I'm going to see if she wants a girls night tonight instead of Friday. Do you mind if we don't do dinner?" "Aww" he said with a pout, and then smiled; "of course not, go see to your, I mean, our friend. I'll go home and write or see if Alexis isn't too busy for dinner… call me later?"

Kate reached in for one of their secret handshakes that made her almost as warm and tingly as one of his slow wet kisses, "of course". He smiled brightly and slowly turned and walked to the elevator.

Kate grabbed her cell phone and shot Lanie a quick message. _"Hey, I want to go and get_ _a drink, you up for it?"_

She thought getting Lanie out would be the best way to get her to spill whatever was on her mind. After all Lanie had done it for her so many times. Come to think of it, Lanie could pull secrets out of her faster and better than anyone. And although she pretended to hate her blunt and straight-for-the-jugular approach at times, Kate always felt grateful after one of their sessions and for her friend.

Lanie replied, _"not in the mood to go out, but please come over…I left work early"._

Umm, Espo didn't mention that; I wonder if he knew, Kate thought to herself. _"Ok, just finishing up…I'll be there in thirty - K". _

"_See you then, I have an amazing bottle of wine already open – L"_

Kate quickly finished putting away her files and left the precinct. As she headed down to the garage to her car, she suddenly stopped and decided against of driving. If she and Lanie would be drinking, maybe a cab would be better.

When she got to Lanie's door, there was a post it note 'it's open Kate'. Kate walked in and heard the shower running. _Oh,_ that explains the note. The apartment was dim, but welcoming as always, just lit with a few candles and the light over the stove. Lanie had a few big floor pillows splayed out on the floor in front of the couch and had moved the coffee table up out of the way. There was music playing softly, some jazz and an artist she knew Lanie loved, _Luther Vandross_. His voice was rich, deep and smooth. Kate remembered when Lanie first introduced her to his music. Lanie explained that he could take any song and totally make it his own, better, just like Frank Sinatra even though he sung mostly R&B music. As promised there was a great bottle of wine opened on the kitchen counter. Kate took off her coat and hung it on the coat tree by the door, placed her badge and gun on the entryway table and helped herself to a glass of wine. She sat at the kitchen counter and waited for Lanie to finish.

As Lanie stepped into the living room from the bedroom still pulling down her sweatshirt, she noticed Kate. "Hey Sweetie, been here long?'

"No just a couple of minutes… so we're listening to _Luther_ and there are no lights on, only candles, and wine, what's up?" Kate asked. "Not only _Luther_, there's some _John_ _Coltrane_, and _Duke Ellington_ on the playlist as well, but, I'll turn it off", Lanie stuttered. "No leave it, I like it, now what's up?"

Lanie hesitated for a moment and then looked at Kate's eyes. All she saw genuine concern and instantly decided to come out with it.

"Javi and I had another fight. I think it's really over this time."

"I'm so sorry" she replied. Kate wouldn't pry, but she would listen to whatever her friend wanted to share.

Lanie began again, "I can't remember how it started, or what it was really about, but you know when the moment hits you that this is the end? I had that moment, Kate". There were no tears, but there was a profound sadness in her voice. Kate couldn't remember ever hearing her friend sound like that before.

Lanie grabbed her glass from the coffee table and walked over to the counter to refill it. Kate walked back to the entryway and took off her heels, ready to settle in and comfort her friend or a while. She followed Lanie back to the floor pillows and they plopped down almost spilling wine on each other, they both chuckled slightly. They sat shoulder-to-shoulder, backs against the couch quietly for a while just listening to the music and sipping their wine.

Knowing Lanie would deal best with the direct approach; Kate began "How do you know its over?"

"It just shouldn't be this hard. Everything is such a test of wills, a struggle you know. I still don't know if he knows what he wants after all this time." Lanie sighed. Kate turned and looked into her eyes and asked, "Do you?" Lanie looked startled, opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again.

Kate continued, "Do you truly believe he's the one or are you just tired of being alone? I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but you helped me dig that answer out of myself when I was constantly pushing Castle away but keeping him close at the same time. What do you really want? How do you really feel about him?"

This was hard for Kate, but she had to push Lanie for the true answer. Esposito was just has much her friend as Lanie was and she couldn't take sides. If they wanted to be together then fine, but if they split up she couldn't choose; she wouldn't choose.

"Hey, Javi's fun we have a good time for the most part, I love being with him"; we could be ... can be great if _he_ would just get it together!' Lanie stated mater-of-factly.

"You didn't answer the question…is he your perfect? Is he the one who quiets the voices in your head; does he make your heart beat in a rhythm that you didn't even know was possible? Do you feel better with him than you ever felt alone?' Kate spit out without breathing. "Lanie you helped me, forced me to answer those questions for myself, now what about you?'

Lanie looked at Kate for a long moment. She wanted to be upset and angry that Kate just wouldn't take her side in the argument, but she realized in that moment just how far her friend had come. Gone was the Kate who would never commit fully to friendships, relationships, anyone or anything; who would always shy away or just completely ignore the hard questions. The Kate who was such as hard ass that she can't even remember how they became friends in the first place. But she also realized in this moment that she couldn't have asked for anyone better.

"No Kate, I guess he isn't. I so want him to be, but no," she said softly.

"Well, I know this hurts now, but isn't it better than dragging the relationship out? Hurting each other constantly and saying things that can't be unsaid?' Kate concluded. Lanie nodded as she laid her head on Kate's shoulder. Kate hugged her friend, for a moment, but felt wallowing wasn't the best course of action.

"Do you know what it is your looking for?" Kate asked in an understanding tone.

"I don't know exactly what it is but I do know how it should feel" she started. "How?" Kate asked interested.

"Well, as best I can explain it, is a couple of years ago, Castle came down to the Morgue to talk to me about you"… "About me?' Kate interrupted. "Yes, about you, and stop interrupting. He spoke with such feeling and emotion about you and how much he cared for you and saw your life together, raising a family, growing old, about forever with you, if you would just give him a chance. I knew without equivocation that he was the one for you even if you didn't. I can't remember his exact words, but they were so eloquent that I almost forgot how to breathe and had tears in my eyes by the time he finished. I knew at that moment, if someone felt like that about me the way he felt about you, that was the one, " she finished almost forgetting to breathe again.

Kate could barely contain her astonishment, nor could she stop her heart from beating in that crazy rhythm it does whenever Castle is oh so close. She did her best to play it down saying "well you know he writes for a living".

"No Kate, it wasn't the words it was the feeling behind them. You can't fake that. And I watched him change over the years, to make his actions and his life style match his words; he made himself a better person for you. Why do you think I kept pushing you toward him, to see him in a different light?" Lanie stated. "That's what I want," she added.

"Then don't settle for almost. If its not Espo then keep looking for it, keep working for it, keep fighting for it, because you need and deserve it just as much as I do" Kate said staring into Lanie's eyes. Lanie stunned Kate, pulling her into a fierce hug and said, "Thank you girl, that's just what I needed to hear".

"Well it's the truth, and you know I'm always here for you when you need me. Now let me go and let's order some Chinese, I'm starving" Kate chided. Lanie released Kate from her tight grip and let out a watery giggle, "Oh yeah I almost forgot, coming right up". _

Lanie and Kate continued their evening by watching a movie, eating, drinking and talking. After the movie, Lanie excused herself to the bathroom and Kate began cleaning up their dishes and glasses. On her way to stand, her knee bumped the coffee table and Lanie's IPad came to life. Kate bent down to rub her knee and noticed the IPad open to a poem. Kate started reading and a warm feeling instantly surrounded her as she stopped dead in her tracks. She felt so much emotion all at once, that if she had one more glass of wine, she would have probably fallen over. Lanie re-entered the living room and noticed Kate motionless.

"Hey", Lanie said bringing Kate back to the present. "Lanie, who wrote this poem?' Kate asked. Lanie stepped closer to see what Kate was reading and said, "oh that's one of my favorites, and it's by Maya Angelou.

"She read a poem at President Clinton's Inauguration didn't she?' Kate recalled. "One and the same. She read another one of her works; _'On The Pulse Of The Morning'_ for the President in 1993, but this is the one that gets to me. I need to remember to read this when I lose sight of what I want, like you reminded me tonight, and talk to you of course" Lanie finished.

Kate put the IPad back down on the table, smiled and tried to shake off the feeling she had after reading those beautiful words. Lanie noticed how much it affected her, but chose not to say anything. She remembered how she felt the first time she read it, and it almost knocked her over too.

They finished cleaning up and Kate readied herself to leave putting on her shoes and coat. "If you leave that gun here, I can't be responsible for what I might do with it" Lanie teased. "Then I might have to arrest you" Kate quipped back, amused. "But don't worry, I never leave my gun or my badge, no matter how much I've had to drink", Kate stated coolly.

"Do you want me to come down with you and wait while you get a cab?" Lanie asked. "No, I'm packing remember" Kate replied pointing to the gun on her hip. They both laughed and said their good-byes as Kate walked out of the door toward the elevator.

Lanie was in much better spirits after her evening with Kate, "What I great friend I have" she thought to herself. As she went to blow out what was left of her candles, she saw her IPad, and had a brilliant idea. She pulled up the poem, did a quick copy, and texted Kate.

Kate had just sat down in the cab and given the driver the address to her apartment when her cell phone pinged. It was a message from Lanie…_Thanks for tonight; you don't know how much it meant to me. I'm sending this to you because I could see how much you like it, x – L. _

"_Like I said any time…x-K, _she sent back before she opened the attachment. When she opened it, she was surprised to find it was the poem.

In the cab, Kate had a little more time to read it slowly and cafrefully, ponder its meaning, savor it. After a long moment, Kate looked up suddenly and said to the driver, I'm sorry but I need to change my destination.

It was well after midnight when Kate arrived at Castle's loft. She knocked softly, hoping he was still awake and that she wasn't disturbing Martha. He opened the door amazed to see her. "Hey, I didn't expect you tonight. I thought you would either stay at Lanie's or…" she cut him off with the slightest touch of her lips to his. "I needed a good night kiss and to hear your heartbeat… did I wake you?" She asked as she ran her hands through the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

"N-no, I was writing earlier, but just now I was reading and having a drink" he responded. She leaned into him, giving him one of her _life- affirming-hugs_ that seemed to go on forever, not that he was complaining. He breathed her in so slowly and deeply that her sweet cherry and vanilla essence made him slightly wobbly. He blinked back to the present and asked, "Is Lanie okay?"

"Yeah, I think she will be…Espo stuff…but's its her story to tell," Kate replied. She separated from him just enough to look into his blue, blue eyes. "Of course, I wasn't asking…" she cut him off again, this time with a more deliberate but soft kiss.

As they deepened the kiss, her tongue requested permission to explore his mouth and was instantly granted access. As she explored slowly and thoughtfully, he patiently allowed her. He didn't move the kiss forward, as he was content with its current position. She always admired his control. He caressed her back tenderly as he slid her coat down off her shoulders and onto the floor. She pulled up the back of his tee shirt, needing to touch his skin and feel his firm muscular back. He shivered at her touch. Neither of them wanted disturb their connection, however, breathing became absolutely necessary. Although their lips were forced to part, Rick, only moved to Kate's neck to find the spot that made her let out the softest moan. God, how he loved that sound…

He slowly walked them to his office, never breaking their connection. He continued kissing up and down her neck until they reached the soft leather sofa across from his desk. He laid her down gently and stretched himself out next to her. She lightly touched his chest to push him back for a moment and felt his heart beating in that same passionate rhythm she noticed in her own. "It only does that when I'm this close to you" he remarked with a smile. "Mine does the same when…" she whispered back.

He slowly sat up and slid his hands down her long legs and took off her shoes. As he pulled her legs up onto his lap and began one of his patented orgasmic foot rubs. Not wanting him to stop, but she needed him to tell her a story; Kate began "Lanie told me you came to her years ago to talk about your feelings for me?" His hands stilled, much to her disappointment. He quietly slid from under her legs and stood up. Trying to plan his next move, he busied himself by relieving Kate of her gun and badge and placing them in the safe behind his desk. She patiently waited him out.

His brain was working in overdrive going back and forth between telling the truth and evading the conversation. He could easily distract her by continuing their make out session or going back to the foot massage, but wasn't sure if he wanted to. Her eyes, her eyes would tell him which path to take. They always told him everything he needed to know about her temperament.

He sat back down, this time at her hip and pulled her in close. As he gazed at her, he couldn't exactly get a read from her eyes, but they were as soft as he rest of her as he slid his hand down her arm and up her side. So tonight was the night for truth telling and that was the way he decided to go. Kate rubbed his arm gently, knowing he needed feel some connection to her if he was going to get it all out, but she didn't speak.

"When I came back to the precinct from the Hamptons and realized what a powerful connection I had with all of you, you especially, and how I almost lost it all…being part jackass and part wise ass, not calling you know…" he started. "Never really had that before, people in my adult life always wanted something from me, but you guys just liked me and wanted me around, and I hurt all of you, and most of all you.

They each took a stand to protect some part of you, you know. Esposito protected your body and would take a bullet for you in a heartbeat, or shoot me if you asked. Ryan, protected your soul keeping you caffeinated, fed, and busy with cases, not letting you dwell on it too much. The Captain, I know would have thrown me out or arrested me as soon as you said the word, so your mind could be at peace…but Lanie…she guarded your heart", he paused for a moment.

"How did he know all of this," she thought to herself. She didn't even comprehend it herself, but in retrospect, yes, that exactly what they did. Her friends, how did she get so lucky. She knew he was intuitive, but she underestimated him a bit. She sat up and let him continue…

"You sort of forgave me a little letting me work that case, but I could tell you were still guarded, skeptical. The guys tolerated me because of you, but they were pissed. I avoided Lanie for as long as I could, but I knew I needed to fix at least my friendship with her if nothing else. When I went down to the Morgue, I had jokes prepared to soften her up, but she gave me that look, you know the one… and the truth about my feelings for you just came spilling out. I could tell she knew I was being sincere, she got a little choked up I think, and she would eventually forgive me for hurting you, but she still smacked me in the back of the head and made me promise to give you as much time and space as you needed. ".

He looked deep in her eyes for a sign…whether to continue or stop right there. Her eyes were dancing a bright beam of light, she smiled softly as she reached up and placed her hand over his heart…"continue it is then".

"I knew that going back to Gina was a mistake about a month maybe even longer before I finally broke things off with her" he started again. "But you had met someone, Dr. Motorcycle Boy, and didn't talk much about it, so I didn't know how you truly felt about him. I guess I was just keeping one foot in the door, keeping myself busy. Then I realized that it wasn't fair to either of us. We were fighting all the time and I wasn't in love with her nor was she with me. So I ended it."

He was exhausted at this point as he lay on her shoulder. He was just as good at sidestepping the hard stuff as Kate was. He usually did it with a joke, while she just rolled her eyes and changed the subject.

Knowing this about him Kate ran her fingers through his soft hair and continued their long overdue conversation," our friendship began to flourish after that. I thought about you all the time, wanted you around all the time, at work and after work, just all the time. I began to understand how important you were to me.

We disagreed, fought, argued, teased each other, joked, faced death, solved cases, had one hell of a kiss and one hell of an argument; and through it all my belief in you, never changed, never stopped…" she paused momentarily. "I knew I was falling, uh, already in love with you".

Rick leaned in and kissed her ever so lightly, encouraging her to continue.

Her voice was shaky now, but with him in her arms, she soldiered on; "I almost ruined it being selfish…"

"Not selfish, healing yourself", he corrected.

He always did that for her, made her feel better about her dumb actions, when she knew she didn't deserve it.

"But you stayed, never gave up on me, well almost never…How/"

His eyes were dancing now, they had changed to a deep azure, as he leaned in to kiss her; he just couldn't contain himself any longer. This time is tongue asked permission into her mouth and was admitted without hesitation. He explored all the places he had visited previously like it was his first time languidly, thoughtfully.

They both decided almost simultaneously, that they're clothing were obtrusive obstacles as he relieved her of hers and she relieved him of his. When they had no other choice but to breathe, they broke apart, but kept their foreheads touching. They stood together and back into the bedroom.

He so loved making love to her. It was always new, different, and special. In his bed, or in hers for that matter there were no facades. They weren't this millionaire writer and this police detective, they just were… They were free to show each other all their hiding places and their scars, share their secrets, their hopes their dreams. When he was with her, he couldn't even remember what it was like to make love to anyone else and he hoped she couldn't either. But he would hold on to that secret for a little while longer.

"What were you thinking about just then?" Kate asked softly. He was laying half on her and half on the bed, completely sated. He slowly moved off of her and rose up on one elbow to look in her eyes. She turned to look in his as well.

"That in my next life I'm going to invent something that will allow me to kiss you for as long as I want without needing to breathe" he quipped almost whispering.

"Because I was just thinking that I can't remember what it was like to make love with anyone else before you", she winked.

"Your mind is always a constant surprise, Detective…"

"Next life huh? You told Lanie that you only wanted one forever with me" she bantered back. "That was then…this is now… I know I need a couple of forever's with you" he responded with dead seriousness. He pulled her into his arms and she nestled her head on his chest. He next spoke in is sexy writer voice:

_The sun has come_

_The moon is gone_

_We see in the distance, our long way home…_

"You know that poem?" Kate asked as her eyes sparkled at him.

"Lanie gave it to me along time ago. She said it was us. I couldn't see it then, but I liked it ", he replied as he kissed her hair.

She kissed the underside of his jawline and down his neck as if she was urging him to continue. So he did:

_I was always yours to have._

_You were always mine._

_We have loved each other in and out of time._

_When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun_

_And the first tree struggled up from the forest floor_

_I had always loved you more._

She began kissing across his collar bone and down to his heart, "so she shared one of her favorite poems with you too, huh; when?'

"A while ago when you were recovering from being shot without us…I, uh, said she was our friend, not just yours. When did she give it to you?" he asked trying to re-focus on their wonderful evening.

She saw the pain in his eyes as he remembered that time. She kissed him softly and replied, "Tonight. I stumbled across it on her IPad and it almost knocked me over with emotion. I tried to play it off, but there's no hiding from her…she sent it to my phone after I left her apartment, and those beautiful words brought me to your front door".

He smiled. "Shall I continue?" Her touch was all the answer he needed…

_You freed your braids..._

_Gave your hair to the breeze._

_It hummed like a hive of honeybees._

_I reached in the mass for the sweet honeycomb there..._

_Mm. God how I love your hair._

"Braids huh", she smirked.

"Hey, they are Ms. Angelou's words and I wouldn't dare change them. But you could so do braids"…he responded raising an eyebrow.

"Uh Writer boy, if I interpret the poem correctly, it would be you who would have the braids"…she said playfully.

"And my dear Detective, I would wear them if you asked me to…"

"Yeah, I think you would." She decided to continue with the next portion of the poem as it was her favorite part and she had memorized it already in the cab:

_You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance._

_Lost, injured, hurt by chance._

_I screamed to the heavens...loudly screamed..._

_Trying to change our nightmares into dreams…_

He lightly touched her lips with his fingers, and then kissed her gently, signaling he wanted to join her for the last part of the poem:

_The sun has come._

_The mist has gone._

_We see in the distance our long way home._

_I was always yours to have._

_You were always mine._

_We have loved each other in and out_

_In and out_

_In and out_

_Of time._

* * *

_Fin. _


End file.
